If you are anything like I am, you’ve had enough dysfunction, pain, tears, and outright failures in your life to realize that when it comes to relationships, you need help! And there is one particular passage in the Bible (out of many we might choose) that I believe provides exactly the help we need:
Ephesians 4:29-32 (NKJV) Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
This passage highlights two critical keys to building great relationships. It tells us what we should do; but just as importantly, it tells us what not to do. Let’s look first at what we should avoid doing. Here’s an illustration of what I believe is perhaps the most critical, but also most neglected principle in building great relationships:
A Critically Important Principle
In April of 1865 President Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford’s theatre in Washington. Bystanders took the still breathing president to a nearby house and laid him on the bed. Then the doctors came. Knowing that the bullet was still lodged in the president’s brain, they believed Lincoln’s only chance at life was for them to get that bullet out of his head. So they started probing around with their fingers to try to find that bullet and remove it from the president’s brain.
In April of 1865 President Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford’s theatre in Washington. Bystanders took the still breathing president to a nearby house and laid him on the bed. Then the doctors came. Knowing that the bullet was still lodged in the president’s brain, they believed Lincoln’s only chance at life was for them to get that bullet out of his head. So they started probing around with their fingers to try to find that bullet and remove it from the president’s brain.
Understand: this was 1865. These doctors had no idea, medically, what they were doing. They didn’t even know enough to wash their hands. Some modern medical experts have said that if the bullet hadn’t killed President Lincoln, the doctors would have.
What those doctors in 1865 didn’t understand is what is now thought of as the first principle of medicine: before anything else, DO NO HARM. Whatever a doctor may think he can do to help the patient, his first responsibility is to make sure his treatment doesn’t make the situation worse.
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